love.

Lust.
the thought of his body on mine
makes my mouth water
and my knees grow weak
but when he opens his mouth
all I hear is white noise

Love.
the greatest intimacy
between lovers
lies in the absence of speech
the space between two bodies
where souls intertwine
a connection
that will never be broken
by the words of a spiteful tongueLoss.
I woke up in bed that wasn’t mine
in a place I shouldn’t have been
I told him I couldn’t do it anymore
I fall to hard, love too much
I am a writer, after all
he asked will I get a chapter
I told him I don’t write books

Longing.
it’s been a month
and the only word
my mouth remembers
is your name

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him

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down…and bleed.
-Ernest Hemingway

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he is the poetry
which I cannot write
the song whose melody
is too complex
to ever recreate

he has to come back

my heart cried
it is not meant to be
my mind whispered

my hands may tremble
and tears may fall
but I will never again
beg you to stay

you and I are monsters
devouring each other
without digesting ourselves
ignoring the fact
that we cannot be together

his voice sounds so good
whispering between my thighs

you
you
you
it will always be you

begin again

What is coming is better than what has gone.

It was October. Candles were lit. Bob Dylan played softly in the background as a cool autumn breeze drifted through the window. Home. Peace and quiet. My cell phone had been off for the past several days, and I had no intention of turning it back on. The last rays of golden hour warmed my face. I could feel my life changing again, and for the first time in a long time it felt bittersweet. The security of the past few months, the happiness I felt, the warmth of him next to me in the mornings, somehow seemed distant and unreachable. “But what is coming is better than what had gone” my mom used to always tell me. Starting over. There was a certain peace to this. A blank canvas to paint. A better self to discover. A new story to write. I began to find relief in this realization, sitting there in my childhood home. What is coming is better than what has gone.

whole again

Wait for someone who makes you a priority.

For some reason I had never quite wanted to believe this phrase.
Being young and naive, desperately seeking love, at first I played along.
Texted first. Made the plans. Reminded them to call.
As I grew older, I dated men twice my age,
Seeking maturity only to be disappointed as they used me as an excuse to act like children.
I never seemed to make smart choices when it came to relationships.
But soon enough I grew weary of playing games.
Stopped trying so damn hard to fix things that would always stay broken.
I realized that I am only 19, still so young.
I stopped searching, stopped seeking approval.
Learned to say “fuck this. I deserve better.”
Found love within myself.
And that is the moment when I felt whole again.
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new beginnings

new beginnings.

After many years of my life spent in confusion, my eyes were opened for the first time.
I found a sanctuary within nature, the untraveled roads, the blazing desert, the calm sea.
I was alone, dependent on no one. My heart was full.
I went on solo adventures. Discovered new places with a single pair of eyes.
And this is how I found my peace.
Peace within myself.
Peace with the world around me.
And thus an endless love affair began.

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new york. september 2017.

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That is what the month of September has consisted of. I moved thousands of miles away from my relaxed little hometown of  Laguna Beach, Southern California to the City That Never Sleeps. To be honest, the first couple of weeks I drowned in the overwhelming, fast-paced lifestyle of New York City. I felt lost; so far away from the things that made my soul turn. I constantly wondered “What the hell am I doing here?” and “Is this where I am truly meant to be?” But soon enough, I realized that this change, this change had the ability to be good. I began to find new adventures, take the train to unknown destinations, meet interesting people… and suddenly, I began to feel at home once again. I had not lost myself, but rather had taken a step further in finding myself. No matter where you go, there is an opportunity for adventure and an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Do not let the fear of change keep you from these opportunities and experiencing the beauty of life.Processed with VSCO with m5 preset
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