a black and white photo diary

As the ship glided up the river, the city burst thunderously upon us in the early dusk the white glacier of lower New York swooping down like a strand of a bridge to rise into uptown New York, a miracle of foamy light suspended by the stars. A band started to play on deck, but the majesty of the city made the march trivial and tinkling. From that moment I knew that New York, however often I might leave it, was home.
– My Lost City, F. Scott Fitzgerald



whole again

Wait for someone who makes you a priority.

For some reason I had never quite wanted to believe this phrase.
Being young and naive, desperately seeking love, at first I played along.
Texted first. Made the plans. Reminded them to call.
As I grew older, I dated men twice my age,
Seeking maturity only to be disappointed as they used me as an excuse to act like children.
I never seemed to make smart choices when it came to relationships.
But soon enough I grew weary of playing games.
Stopped trying so damn hard to fix things that would always stay broken.
I realized that I am only 19, still so young.
I stopped searching, stopped seeking approval.
Learned to say “fuck this. I deserve better.”
Found love within myself.
And that is the moment when I felt whole again.
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